Tag Archives: relationships

Are You Insane?

12 Nov

I have heard on definition of insanity as:

Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

I would also describe this phenomenon as false hope, wishful thinking, pipe dreams etc.

Sometimes we get stuck in a way of thinking that keeps us where we are when we want to moving somewhere else the whole time.

This dawned on me the other day at the grocery store. I have been struggling with a wrist injury that doesn’t seem to want to heal all the way. It has been 10 months and although I have gone to the doctor and modified my movements I am stuck at about 60% better. I am grateful for the 60%, don’t get me wrong, but I have stalled out and keep wishing and hoping for something to change.

The thing is… deep down I know what I need to do. I need to completely rest, not just modify so it doesn’t hurt, and eliminate foods from my diet that might be adding to inflammation (dairy).

I have known this for a while, so why do I keep fighting it and thinking something will change anyway?

Fear maybe? Fear that my injury won’t get better? Fear that I can’t stick with the diet and workout changes I need to make?

Yeah I think that’s it.

Then I started thinking about how this applies to everything!!

Our money situation won’t change if we don’t. Our career situation won’t change if we don’t. Our health won’t change if we don’t. Our relationships won’t change if we don’t.

When it comes down to it, we must change if we want our lives to change. There is no way around it. No amount of blaming our situation on someone else that will change it.

I MUST CHANGE.

And deep down I know what I need to change. I didn’t need someone else to tell me, although sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if someone does. I know in my heart what my life needs to be better.

Do you need to change? Have you been acting insane?

Do you need to stop spending money you don’t have?

Do you need to be nicer to your spouse and change your behavior rather then trying to change them?

Do you need to stop talking about your career goals and actually do them?

Do you need to make a commitment to your health and stick with it?

If you are like me and need to change something, stop acting insane. In the words of Nike:

Just Do It

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Afraid

15 Aug

Are you afraid?

I have been thinking about fear lately and the role it plays in my life.

Recently Jon Acuff has written some great posts on fear in relation to our passions and aspirations and it has got me thinking.  What am I afraid of?  Do I believe in myself?  Can I really be successful at: my relationship, my future, my blog, my health?

Fear is one of the most driving human emotions.  It fuels our flight or fight response.  Will I fight for my…(you fill in the blank) or run from it?

In regards to a relationship, having thoughts like “can we make it long term”, “can we get through this”, and “will it always be like this” are natural.  They indicate that we actually care!  However, we can’t live our life in response to these fearful tendencies.

Living in response to fear causes us to be wimps.  We won’t push beyond comfort zones and challenge ourselves to grow.  Fear becomes a self-full filling prophecy.   If I think I can’t make it, I am right.  Not because I don’t have the capacity, but because I don’t have the discipline, willpower, or courage to get me there.

Thankfully, we don’t have to stay living from a place of fear!!

Courage can grow as knowledge, experience, and practice give us confidence.  So whatever it is you are afraid of and believe you can’t do…you can.

You CAN lose weight.

You CAN have a thriving relationship.

You CAN be happy.

You CAN live out you passions.

Just fill it in for yourself!

I know that for me it has been life changing to admit my fear, and start the process of moving through and one day beyond it.

The alternative is much worse…a life of disappointment, forgotten dreams, unreached goals, and the knowledge that you could have been more than you were.

What are you afraid of today? What would build your courage to believe in yourself?

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Appreciate What You’ve Got

13 Aug

Trigger and I on our most recent family hike in the Olympics.

So my husband has been gone in the Olympic Mountains this past weekend with a friend.

Time by myself is often revealing because I have to stand on my own again.  I get so used to having him around and having an interconnected life that it is hard to switch over for a few days.

It has been nice though.  I took the dog out with me places, had lunch with a friend, cleaned out the garage for our gym space, did homework, listened to podcasts, and watched movies that he wouldn’t wanna watch with me.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but different when I am on my own.

It makes me feel more independent to have this time by myself.  I sit down and think about who I am and want to be because I am not distracted by the normal routine.  I think by re-centering myself it ultimately makes me more attractive to my husband because it reawakens all the things he fell for when we were dating.

In the daily grind of life it is hard to stay vibrant and not get bogged down by to do lists, chores, and routine.  Sometimes, it is nice to wake up from the fog of the daily grind, and be filled with ambition and the motivation for greatness!  It isn’t that I don’t feel that in my normal life, but it is re-energized when I am by myself for a few days.

Nothing has changed.  No new revelations.  I just feel more energized for blogging, business school, CrossFit, nutrition, faith, family, friends, and my husband.

Ultimately, although having him gone gives me a chance to recharge, I am always excited for him to get home!  Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, and all the accomplishments in the world feel meaningless without people to share them with.  I am appreciating my relationship, life, and all that I have been blessed with!

Are you feeling blessed today?

Do you need some recharge time?  Even a few hours makes a big difference!

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Discipline

10 Aug

So about a month ago I posted my years goals and how they were going.

One of the things I wanted to work on was my nutrition and weight loss goal.

I am now into my third week of doing a combination diet of Paleo and Zone.  It is going really well so far.  I feel good and am trimming up.

The biggest change however has been in my realization that accomplishing goals like this take 1 big thing to be sustainable:  Time.

Most people can be disciplined and focused, but usually only for a short time.  I included myself in this category for weight loss.  I would eat well for several days, even a week and then “not see results” and then have a “cheat” meal that would lead to falling off the healthy kick.  The thing is, no one sees real results after a week!  Sure you may lose a few pounds of water weight, but real change happens over time.  A month, two or three of real discipline and focus will create change in behavior which should be sustainable for lasting results.

Whether it is weight loss, starting a business or blog, improving you relationship, getting out of debt, or whatever you may want to do, don’t forget that it takes time!

Here is a great formula I got from Dave Ramsey:

Success=Focus+Discipline/Time

Success is focus plus discipline OVER time.  Stay focused and disciplined long enough and things will happen.  Pretty encouraging!

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Mother or Wife

8 Aug

A few days ago my husband and I were in Seattle for a couple Navy gigs. He was on a kick of running around like Bear Grylls and doing his version of parkour. Basically he was being silly and it was really funny and endearing. I like that he can be so carefree.

One of our coworkers, in response to his silliness, asked me how often I feel like a mom and how often I feel like a wife. He quickly followed the question with, “You don’t have to answer that!”

I said I didn’t mind answering because I rarely feel that way. Instead of looking down on silly behavior as childish, I think it’s great and funny! It’s a choice. It would be easy to take on the mom viewpoint in response to that behavior. Thinking to myself, “Grow up, stop acting immature, be a man.”. But that destroys relationship and makes him less than me in my mind, not my equal partner in life.

In our first year of marriage it was a learning process of choosing to respond in a way that was healthy rather than destructive. But it was and is definitely a choice.

Do you ever feel like a mom to your husband? How do you combat those feelings?

Family Visits, Vacations, and Stress

3 Jul

Have you ever gotten close to a family visit  and started to get stressed?  Have you gotten into arguments when planning a vacation?If you have then you are like me!!  Good for you!  At least you know you aren’t alone.

It is sort of humorous actually.  In just three days, we start 17 days of vacation.  For the first few, my husband’s dad, brother, and sister are coming to visit.  Once they leave, we are off to Coeur d’Alene to visit my sister, and then heading to Priest Lake for some backpacking.  Then on the way home to Seattle, we will likely stop around Leavenworth and backpack for another night.  It is going to be a great time!

The funny thing is that the last several days I have started to feel stressed.  I have been constantly thinking about the cleaning and preparing that I need to do before his family comes.  It is all self imposed stress.  My house is neat, and I could get away just cleaning the bathrooms.  Nonetheless, I have made a long list of tasks.

On the top of Mt. Walker in the Olympics.

Why do I do that?  It is so unnecessary. The important thing is that they are coming, and it will be great to see them!

So along with getting self-imposed stress, my husband and I have had some small run ins about our trip.

At first we decided we wanted to go to Yellowstone.  Awesome right?  Well, you actually have to book that a year out if you don’t want to pay $200 a night!  So we scratched that.  I will chalk it up to our vacation inexperience.

The next plan involved a trip down to Portland and California, but I was dead set on seeing my sister.  Putting my foot down on vacation plans didn’t make for a fun start.

It was a case of my expectations verses  joint decision making.  I realized I didn’t have to see her during this vacation, and that it would be better to start the planning from a blank slate and open mind.

With my more mature mindset, we continued our trip evolution…

Next we decided that we wanted to do at least one overnight backpacking trip.  I found this great place called Priest Lake north of Couer d’Alene.  Lots of wildlife for the husband, and we would get to visit my sister’s family. Score!  Husband found some great places in the Central Cascades near Leavenworth for camping as well.  We will stop there on the way home.  Thus our plan is born!

So there is my vacation planning and family visit confession.  Have you ever had a similar experience?  Do you think that it is misaligned expectations causing the problem?  Tell me about it in the comments!

Guy Time: Why Giving A Man Space Is A Good Thing

26 Jun

When my husband and I were dating, one of his best friends had this really jealous girlfriend.  We will call the friend George and the girl Kelly just to make it easier.

My husband would come home to visit after not seeing his friends in months, and Kelly couldn’t stand that George wanted a few days of  guy time.  They spent all their time together, and she still hated to give him up to spend time with his best friend!  Kelly was jealous of my husband and that George wanted to hang out with him.  Selfish right?

I also hadn’t seen my then boyfriend in several months, but completely understood that it was just as important for him to be with George and his other friends as it was to be with me.  That just made sense to me because that is how I would want him to react.  Well this made me look REALLY awesome, which is always nice when you are dating and getting to know your significant’s friends.  The comparison was drastic.

Kelly was a nice enough girl, but the minute she started whining about George leaving to be with the guys she became as ugly as you could imagine.  When a man’s friends thing the woman he is dating is childish and immature, the relationship usually doesn’t last.  No one wants to be around someone who is grabby and needy and selfish.  It isn’t endearing and certainly not flattering.

Sometimes it can be hard to let people have space, especially when we want to be with them.  The nice thing about space is that people come back wanting more of you.  When you are apart, you appreciate when you are together.

Have you ever been like Kelly?  Sometimes those feelings creep up, but it is important to let people have space.  Why not suggest a guys night out, and take the opportunity to spend some time with your girlfriends too!

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