Tag Archives: marriage

Are You Insane?

12 Nov

I have heard on definition of insanity as:

Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

I would also describe this phenomenon as false hope, wishful thinking, pipe dreams etc.

Sometimes we get stuck in a way of thinking that keeps us where we are when we want to moving somewhere else the whole time.

This dawned on me the other day at the grocery store. I have been struggling with a wrist injury that doesn’t seem to want to heal all the way. It has been 10 months and although I have gone to the doctor and modified my movements I am stuck at about 60% better. I am grateful for the 60%, don’t get me wrong, but I have stalled out and keep wishing and hoping for something to change.

The thing is… deep down I know what I need to do. I need to completely rest, not just modify so it doesn’t hurt, and eliminate foods from my diet that might be adding to inflammation (dairy).

I have known this for a while, so why do I keep fighting it and thinking something will change anyway?

Fear maybe? Fear that my injury won’t get better? Fear that I can’t stick with the diet and workout changes I need to make?

Yeah I think that’s it.

Then I started thinking about how this applies to everything!!

Our money situation won’t change if we don’t. Our career situation won’t change if we don’t. Our health won’t change if we don’t. Our relationships won’t change if we don’t.

When it comes down to it, we must change if we want our lives to change. There is no way around it. No amount of blaming our situation on someone else that will change it.

I MUST CHANGE.

And deep down I know what I need to change. I didn’t need someone else to tell me, although sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if someone does. I know in my heart what my life needs to be better.

Do you need to change? Have you been acting insane?

Do you need to stop spending money you don’t have?

Do you need to be nicer to your spouse and change your behavior rather then trying to change them?

Do you need to stop talking about your career goals and actually do them?

Do you need to make a commitment to your health and stick with it?

If you are like me and need to change something, stop acting insane. In the words of Nike:

Just Do It

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Family Visits, Vacations, and Stress

3 Jul

Have you ever gotten close to a family visit  and started to get stressed?  Have you gotten into arguments when planning a vacation?If you have then you are like me!!  Good for you!  At least you know you aren’t alone.

It is sort of humorous actually.  In just three days, we start 17 days of vacation.  For the first few, my husband’s dad, brother, and sister are coming to visit.  Once they leave, we are off to Coeur d’Alene to visit my sister, and then heading to Priest Lake for some backpacking.  Then on the way home to Seattle, we will likely stop around Leavenworth and backpack for another night.  It is going to be a great time!

The funny thing is that the last several days I have started to feel stressed.  I have been constantly thinking about the cleaning and preparing that I need to do before his family comes.  It is all self imposed stress.  My house is neat, and I could get away just cleaning the bathrooms.  Nonetheless, I have made a long list of tasks.

On the top of Mt. Walker in the Olympics.

Why do I do that?  It is so unnecessary. The important thing is that they are coming, and it will be great to see them!

So along with getting self-imposed stress, my husband and I have had some small run ins about our trip.

At first we decided we wanted to go to Yellowstone.  Awesome right?  Well, you actually have to book that a year out if you don’t want to pay $200 a night!  So we scratched that.  I will chalk it up to our vacation inexperience.

The next plan involved a trip down to Portland and California, but I was dead set on seeing my sister.  Putting my foot down on vacation plans didn’t make for a fun start.

It was a case of my expectations verses  joint decision making.  I realized I didn’t have to see her during this vacation, and that it would be better to start the planning from a blank slate and open mind.

With my more mature mindset, we continued our trip evolution…

Next we decided that we wanted to do at least one overnight backpacking trip.  I found this great place called Priest Lake north of Couer d’Alene.  Lots of wildlife for the husband, and we would get to visit my sister’s family. Score!  Husband found some great places in the Central Cascades near Leavenworth for camping as well.  We will stop there on the way home.  Thus our plan is born!

So there is my vacation planning and family visit confession.  Have you ever had a similar experience?  Do you think that it is misaligned expectations causing the problem?  Tell me about it in the comments!

Virtues of a Wife

28 Jun

I was at a military ceremony the other day, and the retiring Admiral quoted vs. 10 of Proverbs 31 to describe the virtues of his wife.  This prompted me to re-read this chapter and  get some relational inspiration.

Even if you aren’t religious, these beautiful words provide a beautiful picture of what to strive for as a partner.  They show a strong, confident, capable woman with all the character qualities of someone patient and loving and true.  

If you are married these are good qualities to shape your actions and character after.  If you are not yet married, these are the qualities that truly speak to a man and make him want to align his life with yours.  I have highlighted a few words that speak to me, enjoy:

Proverbs 31 Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Guy Time: Why Giving A Man Space Is A Good Thing

26 Jun

When my husband and I were dating, one of his best friends had this really jealous girlfriend.  We will call the friend George and the girl Kelly just to make it easier.

My husband would come home to visit after not seeing his friends in months, and Kelly couldn’t stand that George wanted a few days of  guy time.  They spent all their time together, and she still hated to give him up to spend time with his best friend!  Kelly was jealous of my husband and that George wanted to hang out with him.  Selfish right?

I also hadn’t seen my then boyfriend in several months, but completely understood that it was just as important for him to be with George and his other friends as it was to be with me.  That just made sense to me because that is how I would want him to react.  Well this made me look REALLY awesome, which is always nice when you are dating and getting to know your significant’s friends.  The comparison was drastic.

Kelly was a nice enough girl, but the minute she started whining about George leaving to be with the guys she became as ugly as you could imagine.  When a man’s friends thing the woman he is dating is childish and immature, the relationship usually doesn’t last.  No one wants to be around someone who is grabby and needy and selfish.  It isn’t endearing and certainly not flattering.

Sometimes it can be hard to let people have space, especially when we want to be with them.  The nice thing about space is that people come back wanting more of you.  When you are apart, you appreciate when you are together.

Have you ever been like Kelly?  Sometimes those feelings creep up, but it is important to let people have space.  Why not suggest a guys night out, and take the opportunity to spend some time with your girlfriends too!

Halfway There: An Honest Look at This Years Goals

22 Jun

It is almost summer and that means the year is already halfway done.

If you are like me, you made a list of goals to start the year off.  Making goals is a great first step to learning and growing, but it is always good to review them periodically and see how it is going.

So that’s what I am going to do today!  I will fill you in on most of my goals for this year and find out what ones I am doing great at and which ones need more focus.

I followed Zig Ziglar‘s wheel of life plan for making my goals.  It is the concept that there are 7 main areas of life that need to be balanced.  If one is out of line, then everything starts to get shaky.

Here are the 7 areas and my goals:

  1. Physical: Lose 20lbs by the end of the year and get down to 135lbs.  Accomplish this through portion control, CrossFit at least 3x a week, swimming/running once a week, Paleo+butter and cheese.
  2. Financial:  Become debt free by May 2012. Finish 3 month emergency fund by the end of the year.
  3. Intellectual:  Read one business/self-development book a month.  Take 3 classes this year for college.
  4. Family:  Go on more regular dates with my husband.  Call my mom and sister at least once a week.
  5. Social:  Hang out with a girlfriend every 2 weeks.  Call a friend from home (Syracuse) once a week.
  6. Spiritual:  Listen to a podcast once a week.  Spend an hour every week contemplating life and goals.
  7. Career:  Score well on my Navy rating exam (for promotion).  Get a great evaluation at work.

So there they are.  Now it’s time to see how it is going.

  1. Physical: Well, I haven’t lost any weight, but I haven’t gained any either.  Nutrition is my downfall.  I don’t drink alcohol or coffee so at least once a week I will have gluten free pasta or full on gluten filled pizza for fun.  Portion control when I eat these things unfortunately goes out the window.  The past couple weeks I have been feeling fed up with myself on this issue. I have now been a week of Paleo+butter and some dairy, and I am feeling good about keeping it up.  On the upside, I am seeing great improvements in strength and metabolic capacity from my workout program which is encouraging!
  2. Financial:  We’re debt free!  As of May 15th we paid off our last school loan.  We have begun saving for our three month emergency fun and I feels great.
  3. Intellectual:  I am averaging one book every 2 months.  A bit slower than I had wanted but still progress.  I am also in my second college class and on track to take a third before the year is out.

    My sis and I. It is really important to me to stay close when we live far away!

  4. Family:  Dating my husband at least once every 2 weeks is a blast.  Getting out of the household routine is really fun.  I have been keeping in fairly good touch with my mom and sis as well.  Some weeks are really busy, but we usually make up for that.
  5. Social:  Calling friends from home is great, especially since we are moving back in a year and a half.  However, I struggle with making time for girlfriends out here.  Everyone is married and several have young baby’s so it is sometimes hard to work that out with schedules.  I want to work on this area.
  6. Spiritual:  No podcasts, but lots of time spent contemplating.  I think this is an area I would like to spend more time in.
  7. Career:  I am really happy with this area.  I scored well on my test and am moving closer to promotion.  I also got a good evaluation.

Overall,  I am feeling fairly balanced.  A bit more time in the spiritual and social areas would do me good though.

I like having direction and goals to move forward to, but I also try to be realistic and cut myself some slack.  Goals should be inspiring, not a vehicle for guilt.

How are you doing on your goals?  Have you accomplished any big goals so far?  What do you want to change?

What I’ve Learned (CrossFit Level 1 Trainer Course review)

19 Jun

This past weekend was awesome!

The CrossFit Level 1 Trainer Course this weekend. From CrossFit.com. We are the left column fifth down.

As you know if you have been reading regularly, my husband and I went to CrossFit Bellevue this weekend for theCrossFit Level 1 trainer certificate course.

So much to say…

The Staff:  Hands down some of the greatest teaching and coaching I have seen.  I don’t just mean in relation to CrossFit, I mean in my whole life!  The trainers were engaging, dynamic, knowledgeable, experienced and personable.  I felt like I was in great hands and got really good information that I could immediately internalize and put to use.  In fact that’s what I did!

Yesturday at Command PT for the Navy Band Northwest, where I am a Assistant Command Fitness Leader, I led the band through a  warm up, taught a movement that I learned how to coach at the course (medicine ball clean), and led 16 people through a workout and cool down.

Absorbing how the staff coached and taught really helped me grow.  How about applicability!

The Format:  Everything in the course flowed and was broken down brilliantly!  I was never bored or sitting in my seat too long.  Every hour or so we were up and moving, performing and critiquing movements we had just learned about.  That really helped to solidify what was taught.  It also made the weekend fun!

The Content:  Content is King.  I was just reading at Jon Acuff’s blog about how you can have great delivery and packaging, but without content you still have nothing.  Not only was this course taught by great people and formatted wonderfully, but the content is life changing.  Learning about the functional movements, the models of fitness, nutrition, and programming solidified what I already knew, and gave me tools to fix my weaknesses.

I have been doing CrossFit for two and a half years and my life is very different:  

  • I have discovered my own strength and learned how to move and use my body functionally.
  • I work out consistently now and have seen great results.
  • I know what to feed my body to feel good and sustain long term health.
  • I have more confidence and better self-image.
  • I have formed new relationships and strengthened my marriage.
Overall I had  a great weekend, and it was wonderful to share the whole experience with my husband!  We are really looking forward to the future, and are excited about what is next for us in relation to CrossFit and life!

On the Road Again

11 Jun

So as you may have read we spent a few days in Portland last week.  It was fun getting to spend some quality time in a new city!

We got to check out a new gym Crossfit Portland, and had a great time there.  Ate at Jake’s for some good seafood, and some good Thai food from a food cart ( first experience ever with a food cart), and great barbecue .  You may think that all we did was eat!

We also had a great time playing in the Starlight parade, and playing a rock band gig in downtown for Rosefest.  It is always fun to get out there and play for the public compared to military ceremonies, although both are important.

Well, my husband and I are on the road again!  We are visiting family near the beautiful Coeur d’Alene Idaho.  I normally make that drive from Seattle by myself, so it was fun to have company!

 

However, when you normally do something by yourself you develop a way to do things, so adding my husband to the equation brought up a few interesting moments.   I realized that  instead of relaxing and having a fun road trip, I was trying to be efficient and control how the trip was going.

That doesn’t make for a fun bonding experience.  About two hours in I realized what I was doing, and we had a great time the rest of the trip!  I just had to give up my desire to control.  Hard to do sometimes.

I think the self evaluation that marriage naturally brings about is really special.   And putting your relationship in new situations (like a road trip) brings up new opportunities to grow.  It really makes you look at the ugly in yourself  and make a change for the better.

What other relationship is so close and raw that does that?

 

When was the last time that you discovered some attitude you needed to change in your relationship? Did you make the change?

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