Tag Archives: friends

Guy Time: Why Giving A Man Space Is A Good Thing

26 Jun

When my husband and I were dating, one of his best friends had this really jealous girlfriend.  We will call the friend George and the girl Kelly just to make it easier.

My husband would come home to visit after not seeing his friends in months, and Kelly couldn’t stand that George wanted a few days of  guy time.  They spent all their time together, and she still hated to give him up to spend time with his best friend!  Kelly was jealous of my husband and that George wanted to hang out with him.  Selfish right?

I also hadn’t seen my then boyfriend in several months, but completely understood that it was just as important for him to be with George and his other friends as it was to be with me.  That just made sense to me because that is how I would want him to react.  Well this made me look REALLY awesome, which is always nice when you are dating and getting to know your significant’s friends.  The comparison was drastic.

Kelly was a nice enough girl, but the minute she started whining about George leaving to be with the guys she became as ugly as you could imagine.  When a man’s friends thing the woman he is dating is childish and immature, the relationship usually doesn’t last.  No one wants to be around someone who is grabby and needy and selfish.  It isn’t endearing and certainly not flattering.

Sometimes it can be hard to let people have space, especially when we want to be with them.  The nice thing about space is that people come back wanting more of you.  When you are apart, you appreciate when you are together.

Have you ever been like Kelly?  Sometimes those feelings creep up, but it is important to let people have space.  Why not suggest a guys night out, and take the opportunity to spend some time with your girlfriends too!

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Halfway There: An Honest Look at This Years Goals

22 Jun

It is almost summer and that means the year is already halfway done.

If you are like me, you made a list of goals to start the year off.  Making goals is a great first step to learning and growing, but it is always good to review them periodically and see how it is going.

So that’s what I am going to do today!  I will fill you in on most of my goals for this year and find out what ones I am doing great at and which ones need more focus.

I followed Zig Ziglar‘s wheel of life plan for making my goals.  It is the concept that there are 7 main areas of life that need to be balanced.  If one is out of line, then everything starts to get shaky.

Here are the 7 areas and my goals:

  1. Physical: Lose 20lbs by the end of the year and get down to 135lbs.  Accomplish this through portion control, CrossFit at least 3x a week, swimming/running once a week, Paleo+butter and cheese.
  2. Financial:  Become debt free by May 2012. Finish 3 month emergency fund by the end of the year.
  3. Intellectual:  Read one business/self-development book a month.  Take 3 classes this year for college.
  4. Family:  Go on more regular dates with my husband.  Call my mom and sister at least once a week.
  5. Social:  Hang out with a girlfriend every 2 weeks.  Call a friend from home (Syracuse) once a week.
  6. Spiritual:  Listen to a podcast once a week.  Spend an hour every week contemplating life and goals.
  7. Career:  Score well on my Navy rating exam (for promotion).  Get a great evaluation at work.

So there they are.  Now it’s time to see how it is going.

  1. Physical: Well, I haven’t lost any weight, but I haven’t gained any either.  Nutrition is my downfall.  I don’t drink alcohol or coffee so at least once a week I will have gluten free pasta or full on gluten filled pizza for fun.  Portion control when I eat these things unfortunately goes out the window.  The past couple weeks I have been feeling fed up with myself on this issue. I have now been a week of Paleo+butter and some dairy, and I am feeling good about keeping it up.  On the upside, I am seeing great improvements in strength and metabolic capacity from my workout program which is encouraging!
  2. Financial:  We’re debt free!  As of May 15th we paid off our last school loan.  We have begun saving for our three month emergency fun and I feels great.
  3. Intellectual:  I am averaging one book every 2 months.  A bit slower than I had wanted but still progress.  I am also in my second college class and on track to take a third before the year is out.

    My sis and I. It is really important to me to stay close when we live far away!

  4. Family:  Dating my husband at least once every 2 weeks is a blast.  Getting out of the household routine is really fun.  I have been keeping in fairly good touch with my mom and sis as well.  Some weeks are really busy, but we usually make up for that.
  5. Social:  Calling friends from home is great, especially since we are moving back in a year and a half.  However, I struggle with making time for girlfriends out here.  Everyone is married and several have young baby’s so it is sometimes hard to work that out with schedules.  I want to work on this area.
  6. Spiritual:  No podcasts, but lots of time spent contemplating.  I think this is an area I would like to spend more time in.
  7. Career:  I am really happy with this area.  I scored well on my test and am moving closer to promotion.  I also got a good evaluation.

Overall,  I am feeling fairly balanced.  A bit more time in the spiritual and social areas would do me good though.

I like having direction and goals to move forward to, but I also try to be realistic and cut myself some slack.  Goals should be inspiring, not a vehicle for guilt.

How are you doing on your goals?  Have you accomplished any big goals so far?  What do you want to change?

Friends That Last

16 Nov

When you move across the country it can be hard to keep  in touch with old friends.

It is so easy for me to live “out of sight out of mind”!

And even though I have made some new friends, sometimes I still feel lonely for the old ones.

I have been feeling this acutely lately and have set out to remedy it.

The last two days I have had wonderful conversations with two close friends that I haven’t talked to since last Christmas when I was visiting at home.

On the one hand I feel a bit pathetic in my friend capabilities, on the other, I feel great that I have developed friends that last over time and space.

Marriage is a wonderful relationship, but it does not eliminate our need for friends outside of that relationship.  In fact, having time away with friends usually adds to our marriage!

Maybe you are a natural social butterfly, or maybe you are pretty introverted like me, either way life can get lonely sometimes and it is important to reach out.

Reaching out is hard.  You have to think about it and be purposeful, but the reward is so fulfilling.

It is important not to make excuses.

I sure have in the past…

“I am too busy.”

“Why do I always have to initiate?”

“I don’t need anybody else.”

These are just lies we tell ourselves to get by, but they fall short when we need someone to talk to.

Relationships are the only lasting meaningful part of life.

I think about that pretty frequently.  When I envision people in their last moments, I usually imagine that they wished they had more time to spend with the people they loved, not more time with their stuff.

Connections with people give us meaning, hope, love, encouragement, and so much more.

Yes, people can and do cause pain and struggle, but overall it is worth it.

Is there a relationship you need to nurture?

Make an effort to call them this week and catch up.


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