Virtues of a Wife

I was at a military ceremony the other day, and the retiring Admiral quoted vs. 10 of Proverbs 31 to describe the virtues of his wife.  This prompted me to re-read this chapter and  get some relational inspiration.

Even if you aren’t religious, these beautiful words provide a beautiful picture of what to strive for as a partner.  They show a strong, confident, capable woman with all the character qualities of someone patient and loving and true.  

If you are married these are good qualities to shape your actions and character after.  If you are not yet married, these are the qualities that truly speak to a man and make him want to align his life with yours.  I have highlighted a few words that speak to me, enjoy:

Proverbs 31 Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Guy Time: Why Giving A Man Space Is A Good Thing

When my husband and I were dating, one of his best friends had this really jealous girlfriend.  We will call the friend George and the girl Kelly just to make it easier.

My husband would come home to visit after not seeing his friends in months, and Kelly couldn’t stand that George wanted a few days of  guy time.  They spent all their time together, and she still hated to give him up to spend time with his best friend!  Kelly was jealous of my husband and that George wanted to hang out with him.  Selfish right?

I also hadn’t seen my then boyfriend in several months, but completely understood that it was just as important for him to be with George and his other friends as it was to be with me.  That just made sense to me because that is how I would want him to react.  Well this made me look REALLY awesome, which is always nice when you are dating and getting to know your significant’s friends.  The comparison was drastic.

Kelly was a nice enough girl, but the minute she started whining about George leaving to be with the guys she became as ugly as you could imagine.  When a man’s friends thing the woman he is dating is childish and immature, the relationship usually doesn’t last.  No one wants to be around someone who is grabby and needy and selfish.  It isn’t endearing and certainly not flattering.

Sometimes it can be hard to let people have space, especially when we want to be with them.  The nice thing about space is that people come back wanting more of you.  When you are apart, you appreciate when you are together.

Have you ever been like Kelly?  Sometimes those feelings creep up, but it is important to let people have space.  Why not suggest a guys night out, and take the opportunity to spend some time with your girlfriends too!

The D Word: Saying a word plants a seed.

“Divorce.” There it is. Even thinking about this word feels like someone is dropping a bag of rocks on my chest.  Now let’s be clear: my husband and I love each other and have never been in a place to think about divorce.  But I don’t have to be there to think about divorce and feel my guts ripped out.

Before we got married, we decided that word was out of our vocabulary when we spoke to each other.  That may seem silly but it represents a mentality.  If it gets too rough, I have a way out.  Why should it be any different than dating? If we fight all the time, and don’t feel in love anymore what is holding me back? Here’s the thing, for us there is no way out.  There is only deeper.

Have you ever noticed that when you are looking for a Nissan Xterra, they are suddenly everywhere?  What we focus on, we see.  I think that if you let the word “divorce” into your brain and your heart, it’s natural to try justifying its existence there.  You could end up dwelling on faults, ignoring efforts, and creating a mental state where eventually, there is no other option.

Take charge of your brain and heart!  When you get married, define what that commitment means.  It’s easy to say “it will NEVER end” when you are deeply in love, but what holds that together after the first few years?  YOU.