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Are You Insane?

12 Nov

I have heard on definition of insanity as:

Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

I would also describe this phenomenon as false hope, wishful thinking, pipe dreams etc.

Sometimes we get stuck in a way of thinking that keeps us where we are when we want to moving somewhere else the whole time.

This dawned on me the other day at the grocery store. I have been struggling with a wrist injury that doesn’t seem to want to heal all the way. It has been 10 months and although I have gone to the doctor and modified my movements I am stuck at about 60% better. I am grateful for the 60%, don’t get me wrong, but I have stalled out and keep wishing and hoping for something to change.

The thing is… deep down I know what I need to do. I need to completely rest, not just modify so it doesn’t hurt, and eliminate foods from my diet that might be adding to inflammation (dairy).

I have known this for a while, so why do I keep fighting it and thinking something will change anyway?

Fear maybe? Fear that my injury won’t get better? Fear that I can’t stick with the diet and workout changes I need to make?

Yeah I think that’s it.

Then I started thinking about how this applies to everything!!

Our money situation won’t change if we don’t. Our career situation won’t change if we don’t. Our health won’t change if we don’t. Our relationships won’t change if we don’t.

When it comes down to it, we must change if we want our lives to change. There is no way around it. No amount of blaming our situation on someone else that will change it.

I MUST CHANGE.

And deep down I know what I need to change. I didn’t need someone else to tell me, although sometimes it isn’t a bad thing if someone does. I know in my heart what my life needs to be better.

Do you need to change? Have you been acting insane?

Do you need to stop spending money you don’t have?

Do you need to be nicer to your spouse and change your behavior rather then trying to change them?

Do you need to stop talking about your career goals and actually do them?

Do you need to make a commitment to your health and stick with it?

If you are like me and need to change something, stop acting insane. In the words of Nike:

Just Do It

Selfless Love and Maturity

31 May

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It is hard trying to be mature sometimes.

It is hard trying to care about someone else’s feelings as much as your own.

I was reminded of this the other day…

My husband had said we were probably not going to take a trip we had been wanting to do next summer. I came back later and said that I would still like to consider going because it was important to me a represented a finish line for a lot if our financial goals. He immediately said ok. How great is that!

Later that same day…

My husband said he wanted to consider flying home over our summer vacation in July because he missed home.

You know what I did?

I spouted off every reason why we shouldn’t, and basically came off like I didn’t care about his feelings.

He was gracious with my immaturity, and brought up our earlier conversation when he was open to my feelings and suggestions. I immediately felt like the selfish little sass that I was and apologized.

Sometimes it is just hard to be selfless and mature!!

It is so easy to blow past what someone else needs and wants in favor of your own agenda. I certainly was reminded of that.

Can you remember a time when you acted selfish towards your spouses needs and wants?

What could you do to fix that mentality?

Words of Love

21 May

As a military musician I attend a lot of ceremonies.  They usually are retirements after years of service, or when a Commanding Officer is turning the reigns over to someone else.

Now these ceremonies aren’t usually stimulating material, but the part I always tune into is when the speaker starts thanking their wife or husband for all their support.

Almost every time they tear up as they say words like: “Thank you for everything.  You have been my rock and the reason I can do what I do everyday.  I love you with all my heart.”

I look at the spouse, see the love between them and it is inspiring, but I wonder how often they say things like that.

It makes me think about how often I tell my husband how much he means to me.

Verbal affection is really important, but it is not my forte.  I have to be really intentional about telling my husband how much I love and appreciate him.

It is easy to say I love you.  It is harder to specifically tell someone what you love about them.

Sometimes telling my husband that: I think you’re handsome, I appreciate your strength, you are great at solving problems, and I love that you are so helpful around the house feels awkward to say.  Maybe that’s just me…

So it is something to work on, but it is worth it because it is all true.

What would you say to your significant other?  Are you good at verbal affection?

Holiday Parties and Respecting Your Spouse

31 Oct

So we have entered the season of holiday parties and some of us will be attending many shindigs with our spouses.

I wanted to put forth a cautionary warning and something to ponder.

When you are in public do you tell stories/jokes that make fun of your spouse?  Do you ever cross the line?

You know the line I am talking about…

You say something, then all the sudden feel weird and uncomfortable (and notice that other people do too).

It has happened to me in parties past, and one or two discussions with my husband have come out of it.

Navigating new social situations with your spouse takes getting used to.

When you are married, you have to learn a new way of interacting with others to a certain extent.  Things that were appropriate when you were single or just dating change.

You have this sacred private relationship and it is beneficial for it to stay that way.

At parties, it can be tempting to get a good laugh from everyone at your spouse’s expense, but it leaves your spouse feeling disrespected and everyone else thinks you’re disrespectful too.

When I am at parties and I hear a wife say something complaining or embarrassing about their husband I immediately look at his face.  I notice the dejected look and can see a little piece of manhood chiseled away by his wife’s words.

Let’s clarify a bit.

Funny cute stories that are endearing are up for grabs, but the moment that something has a complaining tone it crosses the line.

Sharing something personal that is uplifting about your relationship is ok, but the moment that you share something too private it crosses the line.

Bottom line, there is a line, and you can feel it when you cross it.

This is a no brainer right?

You would think that this would just be intuitive, but if it was I wouldn’t be sharing it.

I have done it.  I have seen it done too.

What if I accidentally do it?

If you are at a party and realize that you just made your spouse feel uncomfortable with what you said, move on to something else.

After the party, apologize to your spouse for how you made them feel and set a goal to work on it.

As wives, we have the power to lift up our husbands or tear them down!

The next time you are at a social gather, try to only say positive things about your husband.

You will reap the benefits of feeling more in love at the end of the night, and everyone with think you are an awesome wife because of it.

Just a reminder:  We are one week into our Home Executive project of  improving our Record Keeping and Tax skills! 

If you missed this post and others on being a great Home Executive find them here:

Helpful Info. for Record Keeping and Taxes

The Will to Make a Will

3 Ways To Have Your Spouse Do What You Want

3 Oct

Have you ever been frustrated about a task you asked your husband to do?

Did it not get done?

Did it get done, but not in  the time line you wanted?

Did it get done,  but not to your standards?

Here are three things you can do to help the situation:

  1. Stop Nagging.
  2. Stop Nagging.
  3. Stop Nagging.

It’s pretty simple, but harder in practice.  We hear women nag their spouses in public, tell our girlfriends our troubles, watch women on TV do it, and read complaints on the internet.  Going against the grain is hard work, but here are some tips I found have helped in my own marriage.

Guidelines on Making a Request:

  • Make an initial request, then leave them alone.  Unless you really think they forgot what we asked them to do, don’t mention it again.  This is sometimes difficult when we want something done on a time frame, but if we want help and genuine willingness the timing should be their own.  Often, time lines are ones we set ourselves and upon second look aren’t truly essential.
  • Let your spouse know the importance to you personally of what you ask.  If they can get “the why” they may be more willing because it has meaning apart from the task itself.
  • Don’t ask them to do something unless you really don’t have the time/resources/ability to do it yourself.  We don’t want to make our spouses feel taken advantaged of, and if they see us sitting around while they are working on tasks they may start to feel that way.   Try doing it yourself. When you get to the point where you can’t do it, they will appreciate your initiative, and will likely want to step in and save the day.
  • If there is a specific way you want something done lay that out initially.  Take into consideration whether these are your standards, or if something truly will go wrong if it isn’t done this way.  The worst thing we can do when our spouse is helping us out is complain about how they are doing it.  Even worse is going back and correcting it.  If you really are that specific, do it yourself.

In all our interactions, we want our spouse to know that we value them and their time.  Being smart in our requests is one way to accomplish that.

Why Are You Telling Me This?

30 Sep

Recently I started telling my husband a story about an acquaintance I had made and their kids.  Something shocking had happened and I thought he would be interested.  I started my story and part way through he said, “Why are you telling me this?” 

I was put off for a second, but realized that he was right.  I was taking FOREVER to get to the point.  He couldn’t figure out why I thought this was relevant to us, and where I was going with it.

Thinking some more on it, I realized that women communicate with each other differently than men. (NO DUH!)  When I talk to my girlfriends the experience of the story is just as important as the content and point.  This needs to switch a bit when we talk to our husbands.

My husband wants to know that what I am telling him is important and relevant to us in some way.  If I had prefaced my story with “Hey, this weird thing happened and it’s making me think about how we will raise our kids someday”, he would have had some idea about where I was going.  There would have been a point from the beginning and my story would have made sense.

This doesn’t go just for stories, but everything!  It is important that any time we communicate with our spouse we are clear and effective.  We can avoid confusion, frustration and hurt feelings when we get to the point.

Although not directly related, I thought this post from Art of Manliness on making an effective pitch was helpful when learning more about effective communication with my spouse.

Have you ever had your spouse wonder, “why are you telling me this?”  How have you learned to better communicate with your partner?

I Phone Dilemma: The Importance of Attention

19 Sep

My husband and I recently dumped our dumb phones for smart ones!  Sounds great, but it is already stealing our attention away from the present moment.

Having this great phone has the potential to add almost constant distraction to  the day.  I got it swearing to myself that I would not be glued to it, but when I ride in the car, sit and watch a show, or talk to my husband, I find myself looking at the phone simultaneously. I don’t know about you, but when my husband and I talk to each other, we like to know the other person is listening, so this phone is a problem!  Is it the phone or me? 

Phone or not, when someone we care about is talking to us, they deserve our full attention.  Even if the topic seems unimportant, we speak volumes by how we interact and communicate.  Eye contact says you are important to me, distraction shows that in that moment they are second to our own interests.  That is not what I want to communicate.

It is so easy after we have been with someone for a little while to begin to get comfortable, forgetting the courtesies and respect that seemed so vital when we first were together.  You would consider it rude (I hope) if a coworker didn’t acknowledge a question you asked, but that can be how we treat our loved ones!  Sometimes, it takes an effort to set aside what we are working on and listen, but it is worth it.

Today pay attention to how you communicate and see how you can improve!

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