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Mother or Wife

8 Aug

A few days ago my husband and I were in Seattle for a couple Navy gigs. He was on a kick of running around like Bear Grylls and doing his version of parkour. Basically he was being silly and it was really funny and endearing. I like that he can be so carefree.

One of our coworkers, in response to his silliness, asked me how often I feel like a mom and how often I feel like a wife. He quickly followed the question with, “You don’t have to answer that!”

I said I didn’t mind answering because I rarely feel that way. Instead of looking down on silly behavior as childish, I think it’s great and funny! It’s a choice. It would be easy to take on the mom viewpoint in response to that behavior. Thinking to myself, “Grow up, stop acting immature, be a man.”. But that destroys relationship and makes him less than me in my mind, not my equal partner in life.

In our first year of marriage it was a learning process of choosing to respond in a way that was healthy rather than destructive. But it was and is definitely a choice.

Do you ever feel like a mom to your husband? How do you combat those feelings?


Family Visits, Vacations, and Stress

3 Jul

Have you ever gotten close to a family visit  and started to get stressed?  Have you gotten into arguments when planning a vacation?If you have then you are like me!!  Good for you!  At least you know you aren’t alone.

It is sort of humorous actually.  In just three days, we start 17 days of vacation.  For the first few, my husband’s dad, brother, and sister are coming to visit.  Once they leave, we are off to Coeur d’Alene to visit my sister, and then heading to Priest Lake for some backpacking.  Then on the way home to Seattle, we will likely stop around Leavenworth and backpack for another night.  It is going to be a great time!

The funny thing is that the last several days I have started to feel stressed.  I have been constantly thinking about the cleaning and preparing that I need to do before his family comes.  It is all self imposed stress.  My house is neat, and I could get away just cleaning the bathrooms.  Nonetheless, I have made a long list of tasks.

On the top of Mt. Walker in the Olympics.

Why do I do that?  It is so unnecessary. The important thing is that they are coming, and it will be great to see them!

So along with getting self-imposed stress, my husband and I have had some small run ins about our trip.

At first we decided we wanted to go to Yellowstone.  Awesome right?  Well, you actually have to book that a year out if you don’t want to pay $200 a night!  So we scratched that.  I will chalk it up to our vacation inexperience.

The next plan involved a trip down to Portland and California, but I was dead set on seeing my sister.  Putting my foot down on vacation plans didn’t make for a fun start.

It was a case of my expectations verses  joint decision making.  I realized I didn’t have to see her during this vacation, and that it would be better to start the planning from a blank slate and open mind.

With my more mature mindset, we continued our trip evolution…

Next we decided that we wanted to do at least one overnight backpacking trip.  I found this great place called Priest Lake north of Couer d’Alene.  Lots of wildlife for the husband, and we would get to visit my sister’s family. Score!  Husband found some great places in the Central Cascades near Leavenworth for camping as well.  We will stop there on the way home.  Thus our plan is born!

So there is my vacation planning and family visit confession.  Have you ever had a similar experience?  Do you think that it is misaligned expectations causing the problem?  Tell me about it in the comments!

Virtues of a Wife

28 Jun

I was at a military ceremony the other day, and the retiring Admiral quoted vs. 10 of Proverbs 31 to describe the virtues of his wife.  This prompted me to re-read this chapter and  get some relational inspiration.

Even if you aren’t religious, these beautiful words provide a beautiful picture of what to strive for as a partner.  They show a strong, confident, capable woman with all the character qualities of someone patient and loving and true.  

If you are married these are good qualities to shape your actions and character after.  If you are not yet married, these are the qualities that truly speak to a man and make him want to align his life with yours.  I have highlighted a few words that speak to me, enjoy:

Proverbs 31 Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Friends That Last

16 Nov

When you move across the country it can be hard to keep  in touch with old friends.

It is so easy for me to live “out of sight out of mind”!

And even though I have made some new friends, sometimes I still feel lonely for the old ones.

I have been feeling this acutely lately and have set out to remedy it.

The last two days I have had wonderful conversations with two close friends that I haven’t talked to since last Christmas when I was visiting at home.

On the one hand I feel a bit pathetic in my friend capabilities, on the other, I feel great that I have developed friends that last over time and space.

Marriage is a wonderful relationship, but it does not eliminate our need for friends outside of that relationship.  In fact, having time away with friends usually adds to our marriage!

Maybe you are a natural social butterfly, or maybe you are pretty introverted like me, either way life can get lonely sometimes and it is important to reach out.

Reaching out is hard.  You have to think about it and be purposeful, but the reward is so fulfilling.

It is important not to make excuses.

I sure have in the past…

“I am too busy.”

“Why do I always have to initiate?”

“I don’t need anybody else.”

These are just lies we tell ourselves to get by, but they fall short when we need someone to talk to.

Relationships are the only lasting meaningful part of life.

I think about that pretty frequently.  When I envision people in their last moments, I usually imagine that they wished they had more time to spend with the people they loved, not more time with their stuff.

Connections with people give us meaning, hope, love, encouragement, and so much more.

Yes, people can and do cause pain and struggle, but overall it is worth it.

Is there a relationship you need to nurture?

Make an effort to call them this week and catch up.

Traveling Safe as a Woman

8 Nov

As we head into the holiday season, a lot of us will be traveling.  Something that should be on our minds during this time is our safety.

My husband just finished his first master’s degree course on Victimology, so the talk of safety has been recurring in my house lately.

I make the six hour trip to visit my sister fairly regularly, so we have talked a lot about things I can do to make the drive safer.

Here are some good tips he gave me for traveling alone by car:

Before the trip…

  • Prep your car by getting the oil and other fluids checked, and make sure the air is good in the tires.
  • Know your route before you go- good planning goes a long way.

On the road…

  • Don’t stop to help someone on the side of the road-this may seem mean, but someone else can do it, or just call 911 if something looks really wrong.
  • When you stop to fill up, make sure it is a well lit station, preferably not in the middle of no where.
  • As you walk to and from your car, have your keys out so that in case someone comes at you you have a weapon ready.
  • Every so often, call someone to let them know where you are in your trip.
  • Always keep the car at least half full- if you get stranded you want to have some gas to keep you warm.
  • If you do break down have roadside assistance that you can call to get you on your way.

In general…

  • If you “have a feeling” don’t push it aside, follow your gut instincts.
  • Have some common sense- don’t carry your purse around open, don’t walk around with money in your hand.

Some of this stuff (like using your keys as a weapon) seem extreme or overly concerned, but stuff happens a lot more than

we think.

The truth is that although women are empowered and all that, we are still more vulnerable than men, so we need to have safety on the mind.

Don’t live in fear, but live smartly and safely when you are on the road this season.

Don't let this be you!

Kick-Ass Wife Defined

12 Sep

What is a Kick-Ass Wife?

Urban Dictionary defines it like this:

if somethings kick-ass, its really cool. Great! As in it kicks the ass of all else.
Another definition I found was this:
Kick-ass describes something that is really impressive or powerful. (adjective)
Sounds like a great way to be described to me!  Personally, my goal is to be an awesome partner to my husband.  I can achieve this through respect, patience, honesty, and love.  I also want to be socially relevant.  Women who are wives and mothers are a huge facet in society and have the power to create change, love and help those who need it, and encourage one another to greatness.
What does being a kick-ass wife mean to you?
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