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Afraid

15 Aug

Are you afraid?

I have been thinking about fear lately and the role it plays in my life.

Recently Jon Acuff has written some great posts on fear in relation to our passions and aspirations and it has got me thinking.  What am I afraid of?  Do I believe in myself?  Can I really be successful at: my relationship, my future, my blog, my health?

Fear is one of the most driving human emotions.  It fuels our flight or fight response.  Will I fight for my…(you fill in the blank) or run from it?

In regards to a relationship, having thoughts like “can we make it long term”, “can we get through this”, and “will it always be like this” are natural.  They indicate that we actually care!  However, we can’t live our life in response to these fearful tendencies.

Living in response to fear causes us to be wimps.  We won’t push beyond comfort zones and challenge ourselves to grow.  Fear becomes a self-full filling prophecy.   If I think I can’t make it, I am right.  Not because I don’t have the capacity, but because I don’t have the discipline, willpower, or courage to get me there.

Thankfully, we don’t have to stay living from a place of fear!!

Courage can grow as knowledge, experience, and practice give us confidence.  So whatever it is you are afraid of and believe you can’t do…you can.

You CAN lose weight.

You CAN have a thriving relationship.

You CAN be happy.

You CAN live out you passions.

Just fill it in for yourself!

I know that for me it has been life changing to admit my fear, and start the process of moving through and one day beyond it.

The alternative is much worse…a life of disappointment, forgotten dreams, unreached goals, and the knowledge that you could have been more than you were.

What are you afraid of today? What would build your courage to believe in yourself?

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Mother or Wife

8 Aug

A few days ago my husband and I were in Seattle for a couple Navy gigs. He was on a kick of running around like Bear Grylls and doing his version of parkour. Basically he was being silly and it was really funny and endearing. I like that he can be so carefree.

One of our coworkers, in response to his silliness, asked me how often I feel like a mom and how often I feel like a wife. He quickly followed the question with, “You don’t have to answer that!”

I said I didn’t mind answering because I rarely feel that way. Instead of looking down on silly behavior as childish, I think it’s great and funny! It’s a choice. It would be easy to take on the mom viewpoint in response to that behavior. Thinking to myself, “Grow up, stop acting immature, be a man.”. But that destroys relationship and makes him less than me in my mind, not my equal partner in life.

In our first year of marriage it was a learning process of choosing to respond in a way that was healthy rather than destructive. But it was and is definitely a choice.

Do you ever feel like a mom to your husband? How do you combat those feelings?

On the Road Again

11 Jun

So as you may have read we spent a few days in Portland last week.  It was fun getting to spend some quality time in a new city!

We got to check out a new gym Crossfit Portland, and had a great time there.  Ate at Jake’s for some good seafood, and some good Thai food from a food cart ( first experience ever with a food cart), and great barbecue .  You may think that all we did was eat!

We also had a great time playing in the Starlight parade, and playing a rock band gig in downtown for Rosefest.  It is always fun to get out there and play for the public compared to military ceremonies, although both are important.

Well, my husband and I are on the road again!  We are visiting family near the beautiful Coeur d’Alene Idaho.  I normally make that drive from Seattle by myself, so it was fun to have company!

 

However, when you normally do something by yourself you develop a way to do things, so adding my husband to the equation brought up a few interesting moments.   I realized that  instead of relaxing and having a fun road trip, I was trying to be efficient and control how the trip was going.

That doesn’t make for a fun bonding experience.  About two hours in I realized what I was doing, and we had a great time the rest of the trip!  I just had to give up my desire to control.  Hard to do sometimes.

I think the self evaluation that marriage naturally brings about is really special.   And putting your relationship in new situations (like a road trip) brings up new opportunities to grow.  It really makes you look at the ugly in yourself  and make a change for the better.

What other relationship is so close and raw that does that?

 

When was the last time that you discovered some attitude you needed to change in your relationship? Did you make the change?

Sleep: The Miracle Marriage Revitalizer

1 Jun

Did you know that sleep is super important?

You are probably thinking, “Duh!”

Are you actually getting enough?  As in 8-9 hours?

I personally notice a HUGE difference between a 6 hour night and an 81/2 hour night.

The lesser leaves me waking groggy and grumpy.  Not to mention that I crash later in the day.  A full 8 hours makes me refreshed, in a great mood, and ready for the whole day.

My husband and I really noticed this today.  Wed night we had a 6 hour night, then yesterday was a 12 hour gig day for the Navy Band .

When we got home we crashed and were easily irritated at life.  (Thankfully not at each other though!)

Then last night we got 8 hours of sleep and this morning it was like nothing that happened yesterday mattered.  Situations we were annoyed about seemed clearer and less emotionally driven.

What a nice surprise!

So here is my thinking:

If you are finding yourself easily irritated at life or your spouse, ask yourself if you are getting enough sleep.  It makes a world of difference!

How much sleep do you get?

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When You Just Feel Sad…

28 Oct

 Yesterday afternoon around 4:36 P.M. I felt sad.

It came out of nowhere, and I couldn’t think of why I felt sad right away.

Have you ever had that happen to you?

Well, I immediately began reviewing my life to see if anything was off.  After  a while, I realized that I have been working on lots of new goals, and trying to up my commitments to them.

Also, I had a decision or two that I had been putting off.  I just hadn’t wanted to make myself think through them all the way and come to a decisive place.  These things, were adding some stress, and contributed to my sad mood.

Listen to music that makes you feel good.

So what did I do to process my sadness and get myself out?

I acknowledged my feelings: I said out loud to myself “I am sad”, and then texted my husband to just let him know how I was feeling.

I let myself feel the sadness: Although, I wasn’t sure at the beginning what I was sad about, I just let myself cry for a minute or two and embraced what I was feeling at that moment.  It is no use trying to suppress what we are feeling.  The only way to move past a negative feeling is to move through it.

I reviewed my life: I started thinking about my life and acknowledged all the wonderful things in it, all the things that I had to be happy about.

I turned on some music: Although I love rock music and the energy it brings, when I am feeling sad I turn on some feel good happy music. For me that is light acoustic stuff.  It just lightens my mood and I pick something with a positive feel to it.

I got up and did something: In the last few months, I have set up some great morning, afternoon, and evening routines that help me keep the basics of life and my house running.  I hadn’t finished some of those things so I got up and straightened the kitchen and folded some laundry.  Nothing adds to a bad mood like inactivity, so I knew I couldn’t just stay sitting on the couch.

By the time I had done these steps, I had figured out what was bothering me, and my sadness was gone!

To be honest, I didn’t have these steps laid out when I was sad yesterday.  I just realized as I moved through them intuitively that I could write them down so I knew what to do next time.

I hope these are helpful suggestions for the next time you get sad and don’t know why.

Adapt them to your life and needs.  The important thing is that we know how to move through our negative feelings to the other side.

Let me know in the comments what helps you when you are in a funk.

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