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Appreciate What You’ve Got

13 Aug

Trigger and I on our most recent family hike in the Olympics.

So my husband has been gone in the Olympic Mountains this past weekend with a friend.

Time by myself is often revealing because I have to stand on my own again.  I get so used to having him around and having an interconnected life that it is hard to switch over for a few days.

It has been nice though.  I took the dog out with me places, had lunch with a friend, cleaned out the garage for our gym space, did homework, listened to podcasts, and watched movies that he wouldn’t wanna watch with me.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but different when I am on my own.

It makes me feel more independent to have this time by myself.  I sit down and think about who I am and want to be because I am not distracted by the normal routine.  I think by re-centering myself it ultimately makes me more attractive to my husband because it reawakens all the things he fell for when we were dating.

In the daily grind of life it is hard to stay vibrant and not get bogged down by to do lists, chores, and routine.  Sometimes, it is nice to wake up from the fog of the daily grind, and be filled with ambition and the motivation for greatness!  It isn’t that I don’t feel that in my normal life, but it is re-energized when I am by myself for a few days.

Nothing has changed.  No new revelations.  I just feel more energized for blogging, business school, CrossFit, nutrition, faith, family, friends, and my husband.

Ultimately, although having him gone gives me a chance to recharge, I am always excited for him to get home!  Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, and all the accomplishments in the world feel meaningless without people to share them with.  I am appreciating my relationship, life, and all that I have been blessed with!

Are you feeling blessed today?

Do you need some recharge time?  Even a few hours makes a big difference!

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Genuine Appreciation: Why It Works

30 Jul

Are you polite?

Most people would say yes.  We generally use good manners with coworkers, friends, and people we encounter out in society.  But are you polite to your spouse?

I have heard it said that most of us treat strangers better than our own family.  We are patient, courteous, and kind to someone we don’t know well and those we work and socialize with, but it is easy to forget those qualities around family.

The great thing about family is the deep connection and knowledge that they love you.  We feel like we can relax and have our guard down with them.  This is great, but we can’t let this freedom translate to no social filter.  Acting rude, entitled, and unappreciative is still hurtful to family.

In my family we have manners!  Please, thank you, and your welcome are very common words in our house.  I really love when my husband thanks me for making dinner or walking the dog, and he likes it when I thank him for unloading the dishwasher or folding the laundry.  All this politeness really adds up!  It creates positive and loving interactions that build trust, which makes us better able to deal with challenges.

Recognition is a great motivator and great for developing and keeping trust and goodwill.

Some would say that there is no reason to thank someone for something they should be doing anyway.  But that type of attitude (assuming and selfish) takes advantage of people and destroys an opportunity to create a loving interaction.  Why not recognize the effort and appreciate it instead?
Most of us want to have great relationships.  Using manners, and being appreciative is a great way to start.

Do you notice and recognize what your spouse does to contribute?

If you could improve, try to say thank you today for something they do today and mean it!

The Art of Being and Dreaming

22 May

Yesterday was a great day! 

Hubby and I had the day off together, and after a whole morning of homework for me, went to Barnes and Noble for fun.

We each grabbed a book and started reading.  It was really nice to just be together.  We didn’t have to talk… just be.  You know you have someone great when you don’t feel awkward just being.

What’s funny is that I feel closer to him doing something like reading than when we watch TV together.  Hmm…maybe because my brain is engaged?

Anyways.  After reading for a bit we moved on to dreaming of what is to come.  We like to do that a lot!

In about a year and a half we are going to move back home to Syracuse, NY, and hopefully buy our first house shortly thereafter.  We had some fun looking at houses, talking about what we like, and what we want our life to look like there.

I think dreaming is a good thing!

It defines what we value in life as a couple, and inspires hope for the future!

I think being is a good thing!

It means we are living in the present together, and enjoying each others company.

How do you be with the one you love?

What to you dream about together?

Tell me about it in the comments!

Remember you can like KickAssWife on Facebook, subscribe via email, and now follow me on Twitter  @kickasswife!

Want to read more? Check out these posts:
5 Things I Love About My Husband

Supporting Your Spouses Dream’s and Goals

Love Language: Communicate Your Love Effectively

Words of Love

21 May

As a military musician I attend a lot of ceremonies.  They usually are retirements after years of service, or when a Commanding Officer is turning the reigns over to someone else.

Now these ceremonies aren’t usually stimulating material, but the part I always tune into is when the speaker starts thanking their wife or husband for all their support.

Almost every time they tear up as they say words like: “Thank you for everything.  You have been my rock and the reason I can do what I do everyday.  I love you with all my heart.”

I look at the spouse, see the love between them and it is inspiring, but I wonder how often they say things like that.

It makes me think about how often I tell my husband how much he means to me.

Verbal affection is really important, but it is not my forte.  I have to be really intentional about telling my husband how much I love and appreciate him.

It is easy to say I love you.  It is harder to specifically tell someone what you love about them.

Sometimes telling my husband that: I think you’re handsome, I appreciate your strength, you are great at solving problems, and I love that you are so helpful around the house feels awkward to say.  Maybe that’s just me…

So it is something to work on, but it is worth it because it is all true.

What would you say to your significant other?  Are you good at verbal affection?

What Love Is

21 Nov

At my wedding and pretty much anyone else’s I have been to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 has been read.

Just in case you aren’t familiar it goes something like this:

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Sound familiar?  The thing is that if you are anything like me this is so familiar that I sort of skim over it as I read.

But there was a speaker that switched this verse up for me and I will remember it for the rest of my life.

He said that if that verse is the definition of love, let’s spin it around and define hate:

Hate is impatient, hate is unkind.  It envies, it boasts, it is proud.  It is rude, it is self-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps records of wrongs.

Hate delights in evil, and despises the truth.  It never protects, never trusts, never hopes, never perseveres.  Hate always fails.

When you put it that way any time we are impatient, unkind, boastful, rude, we are showing hate instead of love.

It is very easy to sugar coat the principle of love and think of it as roses and daisies, but when we look at our actions everyday what are we communicating?

No one is perfect and can communicate love all the time, but it sure is a worthy mission to strive for.

Read more posts in The Love category.

5 Things I Love About My Husband

14 Oct

When we were doing premarital counseling, the counselor asked my husband and me to list our 5 favorite and our 5 least favorite qualities about each other.

Can you believe it, but even then it was easier to verbalize specific negatives than the 5 favorite things.  Why do you think that is?

I think that we have been trained to notice things that are wrong.   Daily appreciations of the great things that people in our life do aren’t noticed like what they do wrong.

With that in mind here are my latest 5 favorite things about my husband:

  1.      He has an extremely high level of character.
  2.      He is a great leader and I can trust his decision making.
  3.      He is great about verbalizing his appreciation for things that I do.
  4.      He is a fabulous communicator and has great people skills.
  5.      He is extremely positive and helps me look on the brighter side of life.

    Genuine appreciation can speak louder than "I love you"

It is easy to say I love you, but often it is more meaningful to know specific things that someone loves about you.

Today take a few minutes to list your favorite things about your spouse.  Leave some of your favorite things in the comment section.

If you want to read more about communicating love to your partner check out these related posts:

Wake Up Love

Love Language: Communicate Your Love Effectively

Bitterness: The Beginning of the End of Your Marriage

6 Oct

When I think of what an unraveling relationship looks like, a picture like this comes to mind:

I imagine lots of fights and anger, probably about money, kids, in laws etc.

Now picture this:

You take the trash out for your husband after you asked him to do it.  You think, “I wish he could do this one small thing for me!”.  You are surprised by your reaction, but have lately been getting tired of taking care of things around the house.  Over the next few weeks you start noticing little things that your partner isn’t taking care of.  One negative thought piles on the next and soon everyday you feel resentment toward your partner.

That is a picture of bitterness.  And it is a quiet seed that grows in the hearts of many of us unless we make the choice to pull it out.

The end of a relationship is not sudden.  It usually starts several years before with little thoughts and attitudes that are left unchecked.  Practice makes perfect, and if we practice feeling sour that is what we will become.

The challenge is this: the next time you feel negative about something your spouse did/didn’t do or said/didn’t say stop yourself.  Think about all the good things in life and don’t let small things take your happiness and joy.  Laugh at the idea that you would let something small come in between you and your love for your partner.

Don’t let bitterness steal your life.

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