Rules of Engagement:

10 Sep

Arguing, in my opinion, is one of the most stressful parts of a relationship.  It involves you and the one you love not seeing eye to eye, and for some it involves deep cutting words and disrespectful actions.  In my marriage it isn’t that way, and it doesn’t have to be in yours either.

Two becoming one doesn’t happen overnight.  It is a lifelong process and disagreements are a healthy part of it.  When you and your mate disagree, you are being two separate people.  By working through the differences and coming to agreement, you have moved closer to being one.  Argument should be a welcomed process that ends with new understanding, respect and feeling part of a team, but for many it ends with you feeling worse than when you started and no closer to agreement.  How can you change that?

My husband and I set out some rules of engagement that would guide us, and leave us feeling respected and loved in the midst of an argument:

  1. No swearing or name calling.
  2. No rising of voices or yelling.
  3. No silent treatment.
  4. No walking away unless you ask for a break to cool off and think.
  5. No saying always or never.
  6. No bringing up past offences as ammunition.

With these rules in place, our argument looks more like a relaxed conversation.  It allows us to stay focused on the problem and not each other’s faults, which makes us a team working together on a problem.

Above all, remember this is a person you love and that loves you, and should be treated as such.


One Response to “Rules of Engagement:”


  1. Need Help Finding Your Way? « kickasswife - October 4, 2011

    […] far to her and her husband.  Before we got married they sat my husband and I down and told us about Rules of Engagement and other important aspects of marriage.  This allowed us to start off on the right foot with some […]

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